When I tell people I work 2 jobs or that I work 7 days they often say the same phrase after I've explained I run a craft business, that phrase is "but it's not like real work", Sometimes they follow it up with things like "because you're at home", "because you enjoy it" "because you work for yourself" etc etc and they're right! It's not like real work I don't get a day off, hell I barely even get an evening off I don't get to go home from work I work late into the evening when I have to (I just finished and it's past 10pm) I am ALWAYS thinking about work I'm not paid a wage, if people don't buy I don't get paid If people aren't happy with the product it costs me money I have no company There's no HR department There's no sick pay, holiday pay, time off There's next to no company benfits There's no salary or hourly wage There's no escaping the boss The list goe...
It seems my life isn't my own anymore. I knew having a child would change everything and change my name to Mummy but I didn't realise I'd lose everything. I can't clean, I can't tidy, I can't read, I can't eat, I can't sit nothing. It's not even enough that I sit stroking her arm i have to do it an exact way. I know I'm not unique, I know every parent struggles but I can only see my own experience and darkness. This week I have worked 3 days at my employer out for 11 hours a day, 1 day where I did 7 hours self employment, half a day being shouted around by the tyrant and so far 4 hours today in which time she's broken me. In the brief windows of time where Roo isn't driving me mad the cat comes and claws my leg. In all honesty I want to run away from everything. I love my daughter, I will put her before me whenever it matters, I am a good parent. I'm just sick of her happiness always seeking to be at the expense of my own. Ne...
I went to the gym today. I drove there, if I walked I'd be shattered before I got there. I parked and put an hour parking on, I wasn't even kidding myself I'd be in there long. Walked in through the air lock tubes and surveyed my surroundings. Machines I recognised and a couple I didn't, a sign for the men's changing and some vending machines. Step one: find women's changing. I wondered around looking surprisingly lost in a small gym room and found a door with a sign which said ladies, success! I stowed my bag in a locker, which I couldn't lock as I can't remember my padlock combination. I then took my bag back out and remembered to change my shoes. Set my music going and hopped on a treadmill. 5 minutes brisk walk and I was walked up and sweating already. On to the cross trainer for a whole 2 minutes before I decide I need to resolve my lack of water. But an overpriced bottle of water and head back to a treadmill. Do 5 minutes including a half...
Comments
Post a Comment