Mummy&Roo

As today is Time to Talk Day I thought it apt to share my mental health story. I suffer from depression and anxiety which is thought to be a chemical imbalance rather than justified depression. Meaning I often feel depressed when there's nothing to be depressed about and I am then unable to answer "what's up?", in fact I deal with things much better when I have a justification. I have suffered from depression probably from about age 13. I hid it for a number of years and lived in denial. I remember my friends speaking to a teacher through concern when I was about 14ish and that teacher just told me I was 'attention seeking' and to stop. I hid it for a number of reasons, I didn't want people to think less of me, I didn't want my parents blaming themselves, I didn't want people dismissing me as angsty. I self-harmed, sometimes a lot. It wasn't 'attention seeking', it wasn't because I thought I was bad or that I needed punishi...

On Monday's I will be doing a bit of a health review and summary for the prior week. Why? There is a lot of taboo still surrounding medical issues including mental health, womens problems and other health issues and I hope by sharing some of my experiences this might help normalise some things. I do not want any sympathy for this, I'm just sharing to help others in the same basket and to dispel some of the ridiculous taboos. I have: Depression, Anxiety, PCOS & Unspecified Abdominal Pain (they can't diagnose a source) This week my back has started to improve but I can feel it's still weak. Even simple things can lead it to twang, especially in my shoulders. A busy day, even of walking can cause my shoulder to seize up and my arm to feel bruised and tingly all day. I can't sit at my computer for too long at a time without a decent break because that's what makes it the worst. It is getting there though. My sleep has gone to crap this week though. I fee...

On Monday's I will be doing a bit of a health review and summary for the prior week. Why? There is a lot of taboo still surrounding medical issues including mental health, womens problems and other health issues and I hope by sharing some of my experiences this might help normalise some things. I do not want any sympathy for this, I'm just sharing to help others in the same basket and to dispel some of the ridiculous taboos. I have: Depression, Anxiety, PCOS & Unspecified Abdominal Pain (they can't diagnose a source) This week I've had the added problem of having a bad back, all the muscles in the top half of my back and in my shoulders seem angry and inflamed. My GP thinks it could relate to an inflammatory response to a virus, the virus could have been so minor I didn't notice it but it still managed to anger my back. Then to top things my sock betrayed me when walking down the stairs causing me to fall and land on my back, OUCH! The result is this week...

It seems my life isn't my own anymore. I knew having a child would change everything and change my name to Mummy but I didn't realise I'd lose everything. I can't clean, I can't tidy, I can't read, I can't eat, I can't sit nothing. It's not even enough that I sit stroking her arm i have to do it an exact way. I know I'm not unique, I know every parent struggles but I can only see my own experience and darkness. This week I have worked 3 days at my employer out for 11 hours a day, 1 day where I did 7 hours self employment, half a day being shouted around by the tyrant and so far 4 hours today in which time she's broken me. In the brief windows of time where Roo isn't driving me mad the cat comes and claws my leg. In all honesty I want to run away from everything. I love my daughter, I will put her before me whenever it matters, I am a good parent. I'm just sick of her happiness always seeking to be at the expense of my own. Ne...