Struggling

It seems my life isn't my own anymore. I knew having a child would change everything and change my name to Mummy but I didn't realise I'd lose everything.
I can't clean, I can't tidy, I can't read, I can't eat, I can't sit nothing.
It's not even enough that I sit stroking her arm i have to do it an exact way.

I know I'm not unique, I know every parent struggles but I can only see my own experience and darkness.
This week I have worked 3 days at my employer out for 11 hours a day, 1 day where I did 7 hours self employment, half a day being shouted around by the tyrant and so far 4 hours today in which time she's broken me.
In the brief windows of time where Roo isn't driving me mad the cat comes and claws my leg.

In all honesty I want to run away from everything.
I love my daughter, I will put her before me whenever it matters, I am a good parent. I'm just sick of her happiness always seeking to be at the expense of my own.

Never mind the level of pain she's caused me when she's spent an hour jumping on me when I'm already having bad pains from PCOS.

Maybe I'm alone, maybe I'm failing, but I actually suspect it's just other people aren't talking about it.

Parenting is hard, don't be scared to admit it. Depression is hard, don't be scared to be honest. Chronic pain is hard, don't be afraid to ask for help and admit you're suffering.

We're in it together

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